The Antiquated Weed Laws of America (And Other Assorted Laws That Make No Sense)
These are exciting times in terms of cannabis legislation in America. Ever since it’s official branding as an evil, terrible, no-good gateway drug that any decent person would never smoke, duh!, we’ve seen nationwide legalization efforts move forward in promising leaps and bounds. With recreational pot now legal in 9 states and Washington D.C., and its medical counterpart now legal in 29 states, it’s only a matter of time before every United States citizen will be able to freely enjoy the civil right of medicating with marijuana, whether they just love to get high or whether they suffer from any one of the hundreds of ailments that the herb is able to remedy.
Amid all the hubbub, however, there’s no denying that some states still seem to be stuck in the stone age. Many states still promote absurd penalties for simple possession, having paraphernalia or even just containing knowledge of cannabis use.
Laws in America can be crazy, whimsical nonsensical things.
What do I mean?
I’m glad you asked, but I think you’ll have a better idea after reading the below.
“What? I thought they legalized it there? I heard that recreational pot is legal in Orlando? Isn’t it at least decriminalized?” You might be asking yourself right about now.
The answer to those questions are yes, no and sort of.
While medical mary jane is legal in Florida, it is only grown by seven approved nurseries working in tandem with a handful of dispensaries to serve patients across the state in a maze of confusing legislature and bylaw. Last year, the City of Orlando decriminalized small amounts of marijuana, which granted police officers the power to hand out citations for possession under the amount of 20 grams rather than jail time. Confusingly enough, paraphernalia of any type is a misdemeanor with a $ 1000 fine and up to a year in jail. So if your walking around with your stash, leave the papers, or your one hitter at home.
Keep in mind that Florida also outlaws any other position other than the Missionary and that shooting a torpedo in Destin will definitely land you in the slammer.
Potheads, sexual deviants and war criminals beware! You’ve been warned!
The Hoosier state is another that is rife with some rather ridiculous referendums, both reefer related and otherwise.
Be careful who you choose to hangout with in the land also dubbed, “The Hospitality State,” as simply hanging around someone who is toking up can see you serving time with a misdemeanor charge. That’s right, knowledge of cannabis use, even if you don’t partake can mark your record and see you shacking up with Nasty Nate for up to 6 months. Be sure never to carry your pipe in your pocket too… as having a boner in public is strictly forbidden.
3. South Dakota
South Dakota is still a state that outlaws all forms of marijuana possession. Out-of-state medical prescriptions are not recognized in South Dakota and provide no defense for possession either, so if you’re a tourist, better leave your medicine at home.
However, if you’re a white extremist, Klan member or just an all around hateful human coming to South Dakota for a little holiday, listen up! If three or more Indians are walking down the street together, they can be considered a war party and fired upon.
Makes sense right?
If you’re looking to spark up in The Sooner State be careful! Possession of any amount is an automatic misdemeanor carrying up to a 1-year-sentence. Want to help out a friend in need? Distribution, whether it be a doob, or a pound, can result in a term of 2-years-to-life. While that may not be much to smile about, there’s a good reason to keep grinning while walking down these Sooner streets. Making “ugly faces” at dogs is also a crime punishable by prison.
Good thing I’m a canine lover!
5. Rhode Island
This state is pretty lax on it’s anti-pot laws. Getting busted with 2-pounds comes with only a misdemeanor charge and a $ 500 fine, but be careful when and where you choose to light up. In Newport smoking a pipe after sunset is a big no-no.
6. West Virginia
This prohibitionist state will throw pot-heads in jail for anywhere from 90 days to 6 months for possessing any amount of herb. Need to make some extra cash? Be careful how you choose to moonlight. Selling or trafficking any amount of flower in the state requires a minimum of one year in jail. Thankfully, the politicians who make these laws have never faced an opponent in a duel, which would lawfully disqualify them from office.
We all know that you don’t mess with Texas, so you might want to think twice before passing that joint. The sale or delivery of 7 grams of marijuana or less, even as a gift, is a misdemeanor punishable by up to 180 days imprisonment and a fine that won’t cost you more than 2 grand. It’s also illegal to sell your eye in The Lone Star State… and to own more than six dildos.
Guiding a sheep onto a track with the intent to injure the train will result in a $ 50,000 fine….which is the same amount on that you may be fined for getting busted with any amount of pot and having the intent to sell.
God Bless America!