Was sittin’ on a bale o’hay out back the other day, thinkin’. I was watchin’ my old dog Duke layin’ under the shade tree, actin’ like he’s sleepin’. But he ain’t. Naw, he’s thinkin’ too. And sniffin’. And listenin’. Millions of chunks of infermation was bein’ processed in his head at that very moment. As many things as he’s sniffed on this ranch in his lifetime, he’s stored away a huge load of smell definitions, so any smell that flies by, he’s savvy to it. Now, a smell that flies by that ain’t been stored, requires investigation. And no matter how dead he looks, he’ll git up and pursue it. Just another entry in his infermation bank. Yup. Dogs are good to have around.
Now, mind ya, as it is, us and dogs can live together perty good. I’ve had my ole’ hound fer years, more than I can remember. Cept fer him actin’ up now and again, we’ve got along just fine. Now, the other evenin’, me and the missus was sittin’ on the front porch, Duke at my feet, and got to thinkin’ who I would choose if I had to, between people and dogs. Wrangler, if ya had only one to pick from, people or dogs, which would ya want to live with? So, I looked over at the missus, rockin’ in the porch swing, crow shayin’ somethin’ or other, and then down to ole’ Duke, layin’ at my feet, lookin’ up at me with eyes of adoration. Then I looked at the missus again, then Duke, then Duke nudged my leg, and give me the "haven’t we had grand times huntin’" look, and I went fer dogs.
Course, I have no plans on tellin’ the missus about my little fantasy. But, as long as I was havin’ it, I figured I needed some reasons why I would come to such an important decision. These things had to be backed up with facts. So I went out into the barn, and set down in the hay with a notepad and begin to writin’ a fact list.
Why I like dogs better’n people:
A dog will love ya no matter what ya did wrong that day.
A dog actually PERFERS it when ya fart.
A dog will eat just about anything.
Dogs don’t need shoes.
Dogs will fetch things that nobody else will.
You can fix a dog with very little paperwork.
You don’t have to give a dog a name, if ya don’t want to.
You never have to send a dog to his room fer not finishing his dinner plate.
The only jewelry a dog needs is a $1.49 collar with a ring on it.
A dog will either ignore ya, bite ya, or lick ya to death. No in-between.
If ya run over a dog, there is no court appearance.
If yer dog becomes sterile, ya don’t care.
A dog won’t guzzle yer beer while yer out gettin’ smokes.
(Missus came out with some coffee and fresh bake apple pie. Makin’ it hard on me……)
A dog won’t tie up yer bathroom in the mornin’.
A dog can sleep just about anywhere, and be ready fer action in 1.2 nanoseconds.
As long as they gottcha, dogs don’t need any other friends.
Fer a pat on the head, a dog will chase a deer fer 14 miles through heavy underbrush, in the rain and cold.
When ya invite a dog to dinner, he eats the bones too.
Dogs don’t need eyeglasses. Either they can see, or they can’t.
A dog will always lay where you lay. Any time of the day.
When ya open a car door fer a dog, he just gits in and shuts up.
A dog won’t laugh at ya when you singe yer eyebrows lightin’ the bb que.
If a dog won’t eat it, bury it.
A dog will let you know if someone’s comin’. Then he’ll go back to sleep.
Ya don’t have to cook fer a dog.
If a dog wretches, he generally licks it back up.
Dogs won’t let other dogs crap in the yard.
You kin tell yer dog yer an astronaut, and he’ll believe you.
Dogs don’t care what movie ya watch.
If ya love a dog, set’em free. If he comes back, it’s cause he’s hungry.
Ya don’t have to wait fer a dog when ya go out fer dinner.
Dogs don’t need clothes. They got a suit growin’ on’em.
Aww, heck. Missus just finished her sewin’ project. She made ol’ Duke and me a set of matchin’ huntin’ shirts. And that was dern good apple pie. Weeell, I guess I could have the best of both places: a good dog and a missus who likes me as good as my dog likes me. Reckon it don’t get much better than that……